reagangirl.com

BLOGGING FOR THE BRAIN-DEAD

 BUY NOW! “Little Bird Dog and the Big Ship” and “Saving the Vietnamese Orphans,” books One and Two of  ”The Heroes of the Vietnam War: Books for Children” by Marjorie Haun. These are the FIRST positive, patriotic children’s non-fiction books about the Vietnam War. Now Available online at:  Barnes and Nobel.com ,  Amazon.com, and BooksAMillion.com. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 27, 2012

Ever wonder what the heck a “blog” is? Is it Dutch Footwear? Is it something that shoots out of your mouth during a coughing fit?

I am so honored that many of my aspiring writer friends have come to me seeking sound advice on how to write and maintain a blog. This is ReaganGirl’s primer for blogging basics: First, what is a blog? It is not something that shoots out of your mouth during a coughing fit. It is not Dutch footwear. BLOG means different things to different people. When Liberals are spewing their fabricated, psychedelic hooha along the information superhighway, it stands for Bestial Licentious Obama Gangsters. But now that Conservatives have mastered the light-speed autobahn of propaganda, BLOG stands for Bashing Liberal Ogres for God.

Titles: Make them interesting and controversial. Use catch terms like SHOCK, ZOMBIES, TOPLESS, TRAGEDY, DISASTER, SEX, LAWN GNOMES

• “Shock Exorcism: Priests Struggle to Free Glenn Beck from the Spirit of Woodrow Wilson”
• “Zombie Sightings at GOP Debates as Ron Paul Supporters Gather to Cheer their Candidate”
• “Topless in Seattle: Occupy Seattle Protesters Become Hardened as the Weather Turns Cold”
• “Newt Gingrich Caught Moonlighting as a Lawn Gnome”
• “Tragedy in Los Angeles: Michael Moore Mistakes Maxine Waters for a Chocolate Doughnut”
• “Earthquake Disaster in New Jersey: Chris Christie Takes a Nasty Fall in the Shower”
• “Sex at Occupy Wall Street: Head and Body Lice Reproduce at Amazing Rate”

Tags: Use tags to target certain types of readers.

Tags are keywords you place into your blog so that search engines will identify your posts and apply them to internet searches so people can find awesome crap on their computers.  One technique is to group tags in such a way that they capture high traffic searches. For example:

• Michelle Obama, vacuum, ribs
• Bill Maher, sex, dogs
• Madonna, cadaver, skin
• mental illness, Joe Biden, adult diapers
• testicles, Harry Reid, microscopes
• Chris Christie, Krispy Kreme, Benedict Arnold, World War III

Topics and Categories: Attract lots of suckers.

Your category titles should be a clue to the content of each different post. One category per post is usually enough. However, it is okay to pair your topic title, ie, politics, celebrities, lifestyle, parenting, fitness, recipes, with one of the highly popular categories; zombies, unnatural sex, world’s ugliest dog, mud wrestling, vampires, cannibalism. For example,

• politics, zombies
• parenting, worlds ugliest dog
• fitness, mud wrestling
• lifestyle, vampires
• celebrities, unnatural sex
• recipes, cannibalism

Edit carefully, spelling errors can kill you.

This passage is an example of poor grammar and factual inaccuracy.  

• ” Barakk Obamma, Harvurd Law Perfessor, and formr Unnited Staetes Senatorr, wuz born in Hawayee, and haz the awthentik byrth certyfikut to show it!  He is a faythfull Christun, and luvs Umerika. He haz been the pyllur ov ethuks and honestie whyle in offus.”

Edit carefully, examine your facts, and make spell check your best friend. The following is an example of good grammar and factual veracity:

• “Barak Obama and his freakishly misshapen wife have completely redecorated the White House. Its historical decor, rugs, curtains, paintings, fixtures and presidential china, have been replaced with items that resemble a French bordello. Barney Frank has remodeled the East Wing into a bath house, complete with massage tables, a hookah lounge, and a piano bar at which Barry Manilow croons for Senator Frank’s happy friends. The West Wing has been redone to meet the gastronomic needs of Misshapen Michelle. It is the White House version of a state fair, complete with food booths, an alligator wrestling venue, and an all-you-can-eat ribs joint occupying the space where the Oval Office once stood.”

Credibility is everything.

Finally, sell a unique, one-of-a-kind product.

As you formulate your public persona, reject the hackneyed labels that already exist on the internet. Internet readers are already saturated with blogs like these:

• Gay Librarians on Motorcycles for Free Range Chicken
• Botox Central: The Aging Socialites of Aspen
• Survivors of Alien Butt Probes
• Brain-dead Hollywood
• Elect My Armpit
• Emotive Writers Who Think That Using Lower-case “i” Makes them Interesting