Hey kiddies! Little Miss Mad Lib-eral Maker has been away in ______ (rehab, West Hollywood, a sensory deprivation tank) for way too long. But she’s back with another ______ (fabulous, nauseating, peristaltic) edition of Mad Lib-erals!
I can think of no event more wonderful than the______ (cramping, infuriating, exciting) Vice Presidential ______ (meatball sandwich, debate, toe fungus) to get reacquainted with your sense of ______ (humor, balance, smell).
Don’t be afraid. Just like Jay Carney, it’s really ______ (simple, pale, lonely). Choose one of three words or phrases to insert into the blank. You’re sure to make a silly sentence no matter what, and you will never have to ______ (decapitate, hang, reconfigure) your head in shame. Any ______ (Liberal, Democrat, moron) can play this game. It’s as easy as ______ (Hillary Clinton at a lesbian convention, pie, a drunk hooker). So mount up, lock and load, and ______ (blow your nose, wipe your bottom, floss your teeth) and let’s play Biden Brain Damage Mad Lib-erals!
The first and only Vice Presidential ______ (mosh pit, evisceration, debate) was held earlier this week. Vice President ______ (sphincter, Tweedleasshole, Joe Biden) battled the Republican ______ (masseur, dog walker, contender), Paul Ryan. The debate was ______ (butt-raped, moderated, ransacked) by Martha Raddatz, a former war ______ (horse, monger, correspondent) who was obviously ______ (biased, hot, drooling) in favor of Vice President ______ (genital wart, hangnail, Joe Biden). The media is ______ (abuzz, orgasmic, doing the butterfly stroke) with speculation about the Vice President’s bizarre ______ (speculum, demeanor, Jack Russell terrier). Joe Biden couldn’t seem to control his ______ (sphincter, uvula, face) during the debate, and his apparently uncontrollable ______ (hair plugs, laughter, squirming) was a distraction from the ______ (jello wrestling, electroshock therapy, conversation). The ______ (dumb blonde, dipstick, leftist hack), Martha Raddatz attempted to control the ______ (debate, MXC episode, cock fight) but the ______ (twitching, smirking, drooling) Joe Biden dominated the ______ (milking stool, evening, suppository). The Vice Presidential ______ (hunk, leprechaun, running mate) of Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, attempted to ______ (reason, tweeze, do a Chinese fire drill) with Biden, but it became clear after ninety ______ (convulsions, lap dances, minutes) that the sitting Vice President’s ______ (brain damage, festering evil, hate-mongering thuggery) could not be reigned in. Following the debate a contingent of ______ (reporters, mental health professionals, exorcists) gathered in the “SpinRoom” and whisked Joe Biden off to his ______ (padded cell, hotel, transgender-only bathhouse).
Other news in the headlines this week is too ______ (bloody, depressing, bloody depressing) to address in this ______ (genteel, humorous, constipated) episode of Mad Lib-erals so we used a ______ (microscope, nit picker, comedone extractor) to search for something light ______ (saber, beer, hearted). Well, lo’ and behold, we found a photo ______ (deviled ham, spread, beach towel) in Vogue magazine featuring the DNC ______ (Jack Russell terrier, warhead, chairman) Debbie Wasserman ______ (nosehair, uterus, Schultz). The ordinarily ______ (hideous, crass, disgusting) Schultz was ______ (unrecognizable, airbrushed, nipped and tucked) in the Vogue article. The ______ (alien abductors, plastic surgeons, asphalt pavers) may have ______ (photoshopped, body snatched, exfoliated) her excessively since the pictures appeared to show a _______ (made-over bag of s***, Barbie doll reject, wax replica of Eva Braun) instead of a photo ______ (shoot, roadkill, unfortunate sausage grinder accident) of Debbie Wasserman ______ (dog vomit, burlap sack stuffed with beans, Schultz). The cerulean blue dress worn in the shoot by the DNC ______ (toilet seat, chairman, pustule) will be auctioned off by Sotheby’s to raise ______ (funds, the dead, a stink) for a charitable foundation that provides ______ (plastic surgery, brown paper bags, Xanax) to ______ (homely, unattractive, mannish) Democrat women. The foundation is always short on ______ (looks, funding, tent dresses) because of the surge in ______ (ugliness, hideousness, hysterical disfigurement) among ______ (femtard, Liberal, Democrat) women. In addition to funding ______ (cosmetic procedures, witness protection, brown paper bags) for the unfortunate women on the ______ (Left, sidewalk, toilet), the Sotheby’s auction will also buy ______ (pink vagina costumes, one way tickets to Guam, Barack Obama masks) for ugly Liberal women until their time in the ______ (waiting line, lesbian bar, dog kennel) is up. You have to hand it to the ______ (trolls, people, chipmunks) at Sotheby’s. Their ______ (tennis bracelet, compassion, pink vagina costume) is truly heart warming. Perhaps they can hold an auction to fund a new ______ (soul, brain, prescription medication) for poor Joe Biden.
So there you have it, the ______ (comedone, news, pink vagina costume) of the week from Little Miss Mad Lib-eral Maker. Please ______ (leg-hump, binge and purge, join) me next time for a ______ (disturbing, parole violating, nightmare inducing) game of Mad Lib-erals!
by Marjorie Haun 10/14/12